Meat Cute
by Caretaker13
Summary: It's prom night for Baby Firefly, so that can only mean one thing... complete and utter insanity.


Baby Firefly sat in front of the vanity mirror that was in her small bedroom in the decrepit old farmhouse where she and her family lived just outside Ruggsville, Texas. She was a pretty, blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl of seventeen with an effervescent personality and sparkling smile, but due to certain... personality disorders, she was not as popular as you might expect.

Many a Saturday night she had sat at home watching local horror host, Dr. Wolfenstein, on public access with her brothers and dreaming that she could be like the cool kids at school with their drive-in movie dates and parties and so on.

This Saturday night was different, however. This Saturday night her dream finally came true and she did have a date. A prom date in fact. With a neighbor boy she had recently met. He didn't attend school with her... or at all, and for the longest time the Firefly family didn't even know anyone lived in the creepy old house a few miles down the road from theirs. That all changed when one of the Sawyers came to the door one day a few weeks ago and invited them all over for headcheese. Ever since then Baby and Bubba Sawyer had become inseparable. It was only natural, then, that he should take her to her high school prom.

Baby smiled as she starred into the mirror and thought of Bubba, then she pulled some pink lipstick out of one of the vanity's drawers and began applying it. She had already done her eye shadow and foundation and now the lipstick was the final thing to do while her mother worked on her hair. There was an old towel covering her clothing because of all the hairspray Mama Firefly was applying. It got everywhere and Mama didn't want to ruin the dress she had made by hand for her daughter.

"Now Baby, you hold still," Mama screeched in her thick southern accent, as she swiped Baby's hair upwards with a brush.

Baby winced and made a nasty face, but said nothing, just continued trying to do her lips.

"I'm tryin' to make this hair as big as possible. You don't want me to mess up, do ya? Have this boy think you didn't put no effort into lookin' good tonight?" said Mama.

Baby rolled her eyes.

"You show up to that gym with flat hair and they're all gonna laugh at you," she went on, then she sprayed one final spritz of hairspray on her daughter and stepped back like she had just finished carving the statue of David.

"There, perfect," she announced.

Baby put her lipstick down and smacked her lips, then she regarded her reflection. Her hair was at least two feet high.

"Looks great!," she said.

Mama smiled and hugged Baby from behind.

"I love you, Mama," said Baby.

"I love you too, Baby, but now you need to get a move on it's almost six 'o clock and that nice boy will be here soon. She grabbed the towel off of Baby and ushered her out of the room and into the hallway where a tall, paunchy man with a bald head and gray beard stood leaning against the wall.

"Ain't your daughter the prettiest thing you ever did see?" Mama said to the man, presenting Baby to him. She wore a long, bright pink, off-the-shoulder, polyester gown with sequins and beads all over it.

"Pretty as pecan pie!" said Captain Spaulding, Baby's father.

He went over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Now daddy, don't mess up my makeup," said Baby.

"She's just so pretty in pink," said Mama, beaming.

Baby pretended to be embarrassed by all the fuss, but secretly she craved attention and was loving every minute of it. She glanced down the hall where a skinny pale boy with stringy white hair stood in the doorway that led to the attic stairs.

"Otis, whatchu think?" she asked, doing a twirl.

Otis, her brother, made a sour face and then turned and headed upstairs, slamming the door behind him.

"Don't pay him no nevermind," said Mama.

Just then the doorbell rang.

"Ooooh, that's him! that's him!," said Mama, more excited than even her daughter was. "Baby you stay up here and make an entrance, me and your pa will go greet the young man."

Mama practically flew down the stairs followed by Spaulding's slow, lumbering ass before Baby could say another word. She ran to the door and then quickly composed herself before putting on a big, cigarette-stained smile and opening it up. On the porch stood a short, pudgy boy in a powder blue tuxedo and pink bow tie. On his face was the skin of another boy's face, one with freckles and red hair, and in his hands was a plate of something red and gooey covered in cellophane.

"Grrrbl hrr," he said.

Mama put her hands to her cheeks and sighed.

"Isn't he adorable," she said.

Captain Spaulding chuckled and then reached out and grabbed Bubba by the shoulder with one of his large hands and pulled him inside.

"C'mon in, son. Baby's just upstairs getting herself all gussied up for ya," he said.

Bubba gurgled something that sounded like "thank you".

"Oh Baby, your dream date is here!" Mama called up towards the top of the stairs as she shut the front door.

Presently, Baby appeared on the second floor landing looking like a country-fried Cinderella. Bubba made a whistling sound while behind him Mama and Captain Spaulding smiled up at their daughter like the proudest parents in the world. As soon as Baby reached the bottom of the stairs, Bubba approached her and handed her the plate. Baby took the cellophane off and grinned.

"Barbecue," she said, happily. "You sure know the way to my heart. I just love a man that gives me meat."

Bubba did a sort of "aw shucks" thing with his head and made a weird animal noise.

Baby put the plate down on a nearby table and then took Bubba's arm, meaning to go, but mama quickly stopped them. "Wait, before you go, we gotta get a picture," she said, excitedly.

Captain Spaulding took that as a cue and ran into the living room to grab a Polaroid camera.

"Say 'headcheese'," he said upon his return. He got in real close with the camera as Baby and Bubba leaned into each other and smiled.

"Headcheese!" said Baby.

"Hrrzz cha," said Bubba, showing the few crooked teeth he had through the mouth hole.

"You two are gonna knock 'em dead at that prom tonight," said Mama.

"That's the idea," said Baby and then she laughed a high-pitched, maniacal laugh. Bubba laughed too... in a way.

Captain Spaulding gave the picture the camera had produced a quick shake and then showed it to Mama. It was blurry and distorted and looked like it had been taken by John Wayne Gacy. Mama smiled and squealed like a piggy.

"Alright you crazy kids," said Captain Spaulding with a big yellow smile of his own. "Go on outside and get in that truck so I can take you to your damn dance."

Baby and Bubba did as they were told and scampered off like two lovesick squirrels while Mama and Spaulding took one final look at their baby girl who was now becoming a young woman before their very eyes.

"Is there anything better than young love?" Mama asked, leaning her head on her lover's shoulder.

"How the fuck should I know?" Captain Spaulding answered, sweetly, giving her a squeeze.


End file.
